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©️2026 Henlopen Free Press™️

Boardwalk Barker
  • Home
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  • TODAY IN HISTORY
  • Where Are They Now?
  • OBITUARIES
  • Meet Our Staff
  • Nuclear codes rant

Boardwalk Barker:  because you deserve to be lied to by a reliable, local, fake news source.

PHOTO JOURNAL: As we kick off another Summer season on Delmarva, its time for our LOCAL NEWS Year in review.

    BREAKING NEWS

    LOCAL NEWS

    BUSINESS

    POLITICS

    POLITICS

    OBITUARY

    HEADLINES

    Gumboro Family Cashes In Twins’ College Fund To Secure Coveted World Cup Tickets

    “Those scholarships are out there,” Darren explained confidently. “One of these colleges has gotta need two skinny white kids from Gumboro who can run pretty good.”

    Continue reading

    Weathering The Woke Storm: NOAA DEI Policies Under Fire

    “These storms have historically favored a narrow subset of names,” a NOAA statement explained. “We recognize that whiteness in meteorology has left too many communities unseen in the path of destruction.”

    See the Full List

    Grandma’s Cursive Graduation Card Awkward for Local Grad

    According to family members, Keller had just graduated with honors and plans to attend college this fall, where she intends to major in communications.

    Full story

    Local Company Provides Walking Tour of Everything That Used To Be There, Back in the Day

    Tour participant Greg Malloy of Wilmington described the experience as “confusing but deeply moving.”

    Read More

    Pentagon Assures Public “No Risk” After Trump Allegedly Posts Nuclear Codes In Early Morning Rant

    ⁸

    Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt summed the incident up with a dismissive wave of her hand. "FAKE NEWS!  Those were YESTERDAY'S codes so 'No harm, no foul.'"

    Full Story

    Iran Demands JD Vance Go To Israel to Campaign for Benjamin Netanyahu

    “Frankly, we’re shocked this hasn’t been tried before,” the official added. “It’s like sending in a closer who specializes in unforced errors.”

    Continue reading

    DNC Forms Emergency Committee to Figure Out How to Lose 2026 Midterms

    Party leaders alarmed by strong polling numbers scramble to reintroduce classic losing strategies

    BwB Special Report

    Ken Burns, PBS Announce New 27-Hour, 9-Part Documentary on the History of Minutiae

    Ken Burns, PBS Announce New 27-Hour, 9-Part Documentary on the History of Minutiae

    Filmmaker says project will “finally give proper attention to the small, largely insignificant moments that shaped nothing at all”

    Full Scoop

    Trump Renames Gulf ‘In Honor of Winning,’ Following ‘Very Tough’ Ceasefire Talks

    Ken Burns, PBS Announce New 27-Hour, 9-Part Documentary on the History of Minutiae

    Trump Renames Gulf ‘In Honor of Winning,’ Following ‘Very Tough’ Ceasefire Talks

    Administration officialsconfirmed, Trump agrees to Rename Gulf of America again after ‘Total Victory’ in 11-Point Iran Ceasefire Deal

    Continue reading

    Trump Voids 'Bad Deal' 1783 Treaty of Paris, Demands Charles Renogotiate Terms

    Ken Burns, PBS Announce New 27-Hour, 9-Part Documentary on the History of Minutiae

    Trump Renames Gulf ‘In Honor of Winning,’ Following ‘Very Tough’ Ceasefire Talks

    Vance, Kushner led team signs "Declaration of Dependence", restoring Monarchy after 250 year hiatus.

    Find out more

    #QuickBites

      Quick Bites Gallery

      TODAY IN HISTORY

      MAY 5, 1862

      DELMARVA VOICES

      Amid Rising Fuel Costs, Local Farmers Lure J-1 Workers Away From Boardwalk Jobs

      Some businesses have already begun adjusting their recruitment strategies, emphasizing perks like air conditioning, proximity to the beach, and the continued absence of heavy agricultural equipment.

      Find out more

      Local No Kings Rally Works Wonders As Not A Single King Spotted in Rehoboth

      While the rally successfully eliminated all known kings, observers did report a noticeable presence of queens, along with what some described as “a few princesses,” though officials clarified that these sightings were “outside the scope of the current initiative.”

      Check it Out

      Area MAGA Supporter Realizes Conspiracy Theory Cycle Has Moved On Without Him

      Local rally attendee discovers Hunter Biden laptop no longer canon.  Man arrived with fully prepared talking points from 2022 shocked To learn group has pivoted to new narrative.

      Find out more

      Salisbury Man, Out of Loyalty to the Family, Still Sending FB Friend Invites to Join His Mafia

      Local man praised for unwavering commitment to a game that no longer exists, feared by friends who thought they escaped in 2012

      Find out more

      Local Man Already Furious About Memorial Day Beach Parking

      Witnesses say 54-year-old Rehoboth-area resident Dave Kline began expressing parking-related outrage sometime Tuesday morning while driving past an empty metered space on Rehoboth Avenue.

      The full scoop

      Amid Complaints Over 100% Fee Hike, DE State Parks Director Stresses: "Its still free to exit!"

      “Show me another place where you can spend an entire day outdoors for ten bucks,” said one visitor. “Plus apparently you can leave for free, which feels generous.”

      Read more

      Man Tripping Balls at Phish Show Masterfully Conducts 20-Minute "Tweezer"

      Witnesses say the man had ingested a heroic cocktail of mushrooms, a tab of blotter acid, and several pills that “looked homemade in the way a boat looks homemade.”

      Find out more

      Elkton Man Receives Nation's First-Ever Trickle-Down Check, Declares Capitalism “Officially Working”

      Wilkins says he discovered the historic payment while checking his mailbox Tuesday morning, where he found a United States Treasury check for $0.08 — a moment he described as “the greatest day of my life, besides Reagan’s inauguration.”

      Continue reading

      Rehoboth Launches "VIP Luxury Parking Experience" for 2026 Season

      REHOBOTH BEACH, DE — In what officials are calling “a much-needed upgrade to the coastal arrival ritual,” Rehoboth Beach this week unveiled its new Luxury Parking Experience, a premium parking option designed for visitors who don’t just want to park near the Boardwalk...

      Full Story

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        RECENT NEWS

        BwB News Exclusive ~ Trouble In Paradise?

        Exclusive Source: Melania Trump Starting to Suspect Donald Has Not Been Totally Faithful.

        Find out more

        Trump Pardon Leads to Child Predator Life SentenceI

        Experts confirmed the strategy should become fully obvious once everyone stops judging it by what actually happened.

        Continue reading

        Army to Re-Outfit Troops in Stylish Florsheim Shoes to Maintain “No 'Boots' on the Ground” Policy

        WASHINGTON — In a move officials describe as “technically accurate,” the Pentagon announced Monday that U.S. troops operating in the region will soon be issued stylish black Florsheim dress shoes in order to maintain... 

        Find out more

        BwB SPORTS: Tough Decision as Bundy Reaches ‘Automatic’ Threshold Following Stat Correction

        Serial Killer Hall of Fame, located in Gary, IN, announces election decisions April 31st from a list of eligible finalists. Bundy is widely expected to make first ballot enshrinement.

        Find out more

        Dave, You're Fired!

        Wendy’s Changes Name of Famous Burger to “Donald’s Double” in Bid for White House Catering Gig

        Full Story

        Middle-Class Weirdos, Creeps Being Priced Out of the Market by Wealthy Elites; Tax Relief Sought

        Sociologists warn the cultural consequences could be severe. Without a stable population of creepy oddballs and dangerous predators, neighborhoods risk becoming socially homogeneous. “That’s not a community, most Americans would recognize,” said one sociologist.

        Find out more

        US Organ Donation Registry Will Now Require Loyalty Oath for Recipients

        Medical experts have attempted to explain that transplant allocation is based on medical urgency, compatibility, and survival rates — not voting history — but those clarifications were quickly dismissed as “deep-state nephrology.”

        Find out more

        Gen Alpha Pissed There Will Be A 3rd World War To Learn About Once They Reach High School History

        Teachers confirmed that historically significant conflicts tend to become major exam material, something many Gen Alpha students say they had hoped to avoid...

        Check it Out

        IRS Announces Audit Risk Now “Highly Influenced” by Zodiac Sign

        New “Astro-Compliance Initiative” aims to reduce paperwork by targeting Libras and Scorpios first...

        Find out more

        BARKING POINTS. Opinion & Commentary

        Support independent satire. Dress responsibly.

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        Recent Videos

        2026 Oscars Pre-Memoriam

        New for 2026 the academy has decided to honor our greatest stars - who probably won't make it to the next one - while they are still here to enjoy it.

        The Trump Admin, rn.

        Nothing to see here...

        Six More Weeks of Winter

        An angry President Trump had strong words for "Very disloyal" celebrity groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil.

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