TRUMP POSTS NUCLEAR CODES ON TRUTH SOCIAL

By Drew  |  EIC, Top Dog, Paid Agitator

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Defense officials moved swiftly to calm public concern early this morning after a Truth Social post by President Donald Trump appeared to briefly include what analysts described as U.S. nuclear launch codes—embedded within a wide-ranging 4:23 a.m. rant touching on Iran, tariffs, UFOs, the Dow Jones, and the 2020 election.

According to Pentagon sources, the situation was “completely under control” due to the Commander-in-chief's genius, precise timing of the post.

“Nothing to see here.  Those codes are rotated daily at 4:22 a.m.,” a spokesperson confirmed. “So by the time the post went live at 4:23, what people saw—if that’s even what they saw, and Im not confirming or denying anything—was already outdated. This is exactly why we have protocols.”

Complicating matters briefly, both the Secretary of Defense and the Secretary of State reportedly reshared the post shortly after it appeared, citing what one aide described as a desire to stay on message.

The situation escalated further when the Secretary of Defense, attempting to “secure and circulate the information internally,” copied the post into what was intended to be a cabinet group text.

Instead, in what officials later described as a “minor contact selection error,” the message was sent to a distribution list that included reporters from The Washington Post, The Boston Globe, and several other major outlets.

“We believe the Secretary was trying to act quickly,” said one senior official. “Unfortunately, he may have acted… broadly.”
Despite the additional exposure, defense officials reiterated that the information posed no threat.

“Again, the key point here is timing,” the Pentagon spokesperson emphasized. “By the time it was posted, reshared, and accidentally texted to half the press corps, those codes had already expired.”

When pressed about it by reporters this morning at the White House, President Trump had this to say:

“First of all, nobody knows more about timing than me, okay? Nobody. They told me—very smart people, the best people—that the codes change at 4:22, okay? 4:22, very precise. And my post—if you look at it, and people are looking at it very strongly—it was 4:23. So it’s already old. It’s expired. Totally expired. Like milk, okay? Not a problem.

  And they’re making a big deal—fake news, a lot of fake news—when actually it shows how well everything works. The system worked perfectly. I posted it after it changed. Think about that. That’s good timing. That’s great timing. Probably the best timing anybody’s ever seen.

Sleepy Joe? He would’ve posted it at 4:21, believe me. If he could even get up that early, which I don’t think he can. He’d still be asleep, or doing something else, who knows what he’s doing. But it would’ve been wrong. Totally wrong. What I did—perfectly fine.”

Administration officials confirmed that all nuclear codes had since been updated again - not that that is what they were - and that future protocol adjustments may include a slightly wider buffer window, depending on posting activity.  A Pentagon spokesman says planners are also reviewing whether ‘Do Not Disturb’ mode can be classified as a national security tool.

---------

Boardwalk Barker is a satirical, comedy news source.  All stories and attributions are fictional and intended for entertainment purposes.  I mean, it should be obvious, but just in case - there you go.