DelDOT Report Identifies Cause of Holiday Weekend Gridlock

By Drew  |  EIC, Top Dog, Underachiever

GEORGETOWN, DE — After an extensive review of traffic camera footage, GPS data, eyewitness accounts, and several thousand angry Facebook comments, DelDOT officials announced Monday they have successfully identified the primary cause of the severe holiday weekend traffic congestion that plagued coastal Delaware.

According to the report, responsibility for nearly all delays can be traced to Charles V. Bowers, 47, of Bucks County, Pennsylvania.

"At first we assumed the congestion was caused by population growth, road construction, increased tourism, and infrastructure limitations," said one DelDOT analyst. "As it turns out, it was just Charles."

The 184-page report details a series of driving decisions investigators described as deeply troubling.  Among the findings, Bowers:
 • Stopped completely before entering multiple empty roundabouts.
 • Allowed at least 147 vehicles to proceed despite having the right-of-way.
 • Missed his turn, then attempted to recover by crossing four lanes of traffic at approximately three miles per hour.
 • Braked repeatedly to point out landmarks to visiting relatives.

  • Attempted a U-turn from a right-turn-only lane.
 • Backed into every angled parking space encountered in Rehoboth and Lewes during the trip regardless of necessity.

Witnesses reported that Bowers spent much of the drive narrating the region to his children instead of monitoring traffic conditions.

"He was explaining what a marsh is," said one motorist trapped behind him for nearly forty minutes. "I'm not saying that's why I missed dinner, but it certainly didn't help."

The report further states that investigators observed at least two separate pairs of feet hanging from vehicle windows during the trip. Several witnesses believed one set may have belonged to Bowers himself.

Despite the chaos, authorities confirmed the family eventually reached the beach safely.
Unfortunately, the report notes that traffic-related disruptions did not end there.

Surveillance footage later showed the Bowers family walking four abreast down the center of the boardwalk at what officials described as "a pace that could reasonably be measured with a calendar."

Additional delays occurred when family members stopped every few yards to debate restaurant choices, examine souvenir shops, and ask strangers where they could find "the ocean."

DelDOT emphasized that no criminal charges are expected.  "Being this guy isn't technically illegal," one official explained. "We've checked."
The agency also confirmed that no roadway improvements are currently planned.  "Based on our findings, eliminating Charles would be significantly more cost-effective."

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