"Our selection is simple, we've got weed."

By Octavia Byline | Chief Cannabis Correspondent

OCEAN CITY — A new Ocean City cannabis dispensary promising to recreate the authentic marijuana-buying experience of the late 1980s and early 1990s has postponed its grand opening until next weekend after employees reportedly "just didn't get around to it."

Store manager Bones apologized for the delay.
"Yeah... we were gonna open Friday," Bones said. "Then... we didn't."

Gen-X dispensaries take you back to the good old days before online ordering, loyalty rewards and posted business hours, Gen-X Dispensary proudly recreates every awkward detail of buying weed before legalization.

Business hours are officially listed as "Around 6-ish." Customers are discouraged from calling ahead. Instead, Bones' girlfriend will usually answer the phone, tell you he'll probably be back around six, and suggest you just swing by because "he shouldn't be much longer."

The dispensary also features a three-space parking lot because management asks customers to arrive in one vehicle whenever possible.

"We don't need six cars pullin' in here all night," Bones explained. "And if you think somebody followed you, just circle the block a couple times before you come back."

Customers are encouraged not to call too late because "it gets the old lady all worked up."

Upon arrival, customers are escorted into a historically accurate waiting room featuring a worn-out sofa, an overflowing ashtray, a random dog that insists on sniffing everyone's shoes, a television that's always on, and at least one guy you've never met who's somehow already halfway through telling you about his last three jobs.

Unlike modern dispensaries, customers will not be asked whether they prefer indica, sativa, hybrids, or specific terpene profiles.

"Our selection is simple," Bones explained. "We've got weed."

Every purchase also includes the traditional requirement that customers sit on the couch and smoke some with Bones before leaving.
"It's rude not to," he explained.

Cannabis is sold exclusively in plastic sandwich bags to help pass cost-savings along to the customer, and every baggie has a bud pinched from it because you'll hardly be able to tell.

Management recommends arriving before the kids go to bed.  Either way, try not to wake the baby.

"After that we gotta keep it down," Bones said. "The black lights come on, Liquid Television goes on MTV, somebody puts on Pink Floyd, and before you know it some guy is explaining why The Wizard of Oz syncs up with Dark Side of the Moon. Then you're stuck here all night."

Early customer reviews have been overwhelmingly positive.

★★★★★ "Twenty percent stems and seeds. Just like I remembered."

★★★★★ "Asked what strain it was. Guy looked at me like I was an idiot."

★★★★★ "Stopped by for ten minutes. Left three hours later knowing everybody's divorce history, borrowing a socket wrench, and agreeing to help somebody move next Saturday."

Despite recreating nearly every detail of the original experience, management insists one important feature will remain firmly in the past.
"We're actually licensed," Bones said. "That part's different."

Many longtime Ocean City residents remained unable to answer the same question they've been asking since 1992:
"Seriously...how the hell did Bones never get busted?"

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