Reaganomics Vindicated?

By Tatiana Petrovna  |  Economist, Contributor

ELKTON, MD — In what economists are calling “the first documented sign of trickle-down economics actually occurring in nature,” Vernon Wilkins, 70, of Elkton, Maryland, has reportedly become the first American to randomly receive a direct payment from the federal government representing excess wealth finally making its way down to the working class.

Wilkins says he discovered the historic payment while checking his mailbox Tuesday morning, where he found a United States Treasury check for $0.08 — a moment he described as “the greatest day of my life, besides Reagan’s inauguration.”

“I told everybody,” Wilkins said, clutching the check like a winning lottery ticket. “I voted for Reagan in 1980 and I said, ‘Just wait. It’s gonna trickle down.’ People laughed. Called me names. Said it was a scam. Well who’s laughing now? Me. I’m laughing now. Because I got my money.”

Wilkins, who still insists Reagan was “the greatest president of our time,” says the payment is proof positive that trickle-down economics works, and that the “pinko commies” who have spent decades questioning the theory have now been conclusively disproven by “basic math and the U.S. Treasury.”

“This is capitalism, baby,” he said. “You can’t argue with eight cents. That’s science.”

Federal officials declined to comment on the payment, but sources close to the situation confirmed the check was issued after what one insider described as “a highly technical wealth seepage event,” likely triggered by “a billionaire briefly noticing poor people exist.”

Wilkins says he plans to invest the money responsibly, possibly by splitting it between savings, a hot dog, and a down payment on a boat, depending on how inflation behaves.

Meanwhile, he offered a message of hope to Americans still waiting for their share of prosperity to arrive:

“Look, it took me 45 years,” Wilkins said. “But it happened. So just keep waiting. It’s coming. Any day now. The rest of America should be expecting their share very soon.”

He then paused, smiled, and added:

“Go ahead. Keep waiting.”