Alphabetical Order Challenge led by Attorney Yakov Ziegler

By Tanya Rollins  |  News Editor, Contributor

LEWES, Del. — A coalition of Delmarva families with last names beginning with X, Y, and Z has filed a class-action lawsuit seeking relief from what they describe as "generational discrimination" during graduation ceremonies.

The suit, filed this week by the law offices of Yakov Ziegler, esq., alleges that decades of alphabetical ordering have forced end-of-alphabet families to endure disproportionately long periods of folding-chair exposure while families named Anderson, Baker, and Chavez enjoy what attorneys call "an unfair and unreasonable early-exit advantage." Meanwhile, generations of Williamses sit in eternal anticipation.

"We've suffered in silence for too long," said local resident Xavier Zimmerman, who estimates he has spent nearly 23 cumulative hours waiting for family members' names to be called over the course of three children's educational careers.

"I have one graduating from eighth grade—which apparently is a thing now—one graduating from high school, and one graduating from college," Zimmerman said. "By the time they get to the Z's, I've watched half the audience leave, two custodians start stacking chairs, and a guy from the marching band graduate, get married, and start a family."

The complaint alleges that families near the beginning of the alphabet routinely receive benefits unavailable to later-letter households, including functioning circulation in their legs, access to parking spaces, and the ability to leave before hearing a valedictorian quote Dr. Seuss.

Representatives for the plaintiffs are seeking several remedies, including:

  • Reverse-alphabet graduation ceremonies.

  • A rotating annual system.

  • Hazard pay for Zimmerman families.

  • Priority access to seat cushions.

  • Court-ordered restrictions on speeches.    exceeding twelve minutes.

School officials declined to comment on the pending litigation but noted that graduation ceremonies have been conducted alphabetically for generations.  Plaintiffs argue that is precisely the problem.

"People keep saying, 'That's how it's always been done,'" said Zeigler. "Well, segregation used to be how things were always done, too. I'm not saying this is the same thing. I'm just saying I've got pins and needles in both feet."

A preliminary hearing is expected later this summer, assuming attorneys can stay awake through the reading of all affected family names.

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