President Trump Declares Plate Tectonics a Democrat Hoax
“People talk about ‘faults.’ I asked, whose fault? Obama’s fault. Biden’s fault. Everybody knows”
By Gary Muckraker | Senior Political Correspondent
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprise announcement to supporters at a rally in Tulsa, former President Donald Trump declared that the scientific theory of plate tectonics was “a total Democratic hoax,” accusing “liberal geologists” of “trying to make America crumble from the inside.”
Trump told the crowd that scientists have “zero evidence” the Earth’s crust moves.
> “The ground has always been very loyal to me. I’ve walked on it, I’ve built on it. Never once did it move,” he said. “These people talk about ‘faults.’ I asked, whose fault? Obama’s fault. Biden’s fault. Everybody knows it.”
The President went on to propose renaming the prehistoric supercontinent Pangaea to “Trump World.”
> “It was one big, beautiful landmass,” Trump said. “All connected. Everyone says it was tremendous. Scientists agree—before the Democrats came along, the world was literally united.”
Trump also warned supporters about “foreign plates” threatening America’s stability.
> “They say the Pacific Plate is pushing under us,” he told the crowd. “Not on my watch. We’re going to build a wall so strong, not even magma can cross it. The Mexican Plate has been sneaking under the North American Plate for years, and it stops day one.”
A spokesperson for the U.S. Geological Survey was reportedly unavailable for comment, citing “a minor earthquake and a major headache.”
Trump concluded by promising that, under his next administration, the Earth’s plates would “stay right where they are—because we’re bringing stability back.”
© BoardWalk Barker — Fetching Headlines. Questionable Sources. Salty Outlook.
