©️ 2025 Henlopen Free Press ™️
©️ 2025 Henlopen Free Press ™️







By Arnold Santos  |  Lifestyles Editor, Contributor
Berlin, MD — Local realtor, Jeremy Cobb, recently joined Ancestry.com and was shocked at his DNA results. Cobb admits to always feeling that there was something more to him than just his Irish heritage, but was shocked to find out he has some roots in Africa.
After reviewing his latest DNA results, he says he’s “reassessing everything” following the discovery that he is, in his words, “a proud 1% West African, possibly from the same tribe as Beyoncé.”
Friends report that Cobb spent the weekend browsing cultural appropriation forums, ordering a handmade drum set from Etsy, and announcing plans to “get back to his roots.” When asked which roots those were, he replied, “Whichever ones ship fastest.”
“He’s been walking around saying he feels different now,” said one neighbor. “Mostly because the dashiki’s linen and he’s not used to breathable fabrics.”
"I've decided to lean into my identity. It is who I am and I am embracing that," said Cobb while cracking a can of grape soda he just purchased.
"Jeremy has spent the last months really connecting with his community", says long time girlfriend. "He's been attending cookouts, going to rap concerts, even playing basketball. He sucks at basketball."
While lighting a cigarette from a new pack of Newports, Cobb reported he had started using the N-word casually in conversation.  I caught up with Cobb two days later.
After getting out of the hospital, Mr. Cobb promises to keep on fighting against oppression, not an easy task, he admits "when you look like the embodiment of 'The Man'."
When asked how it has affected things for the couple now that they are in an interracial relationship, Miranda said, "Honestly, I'm okay with all the jazz music, the Hennessy, even attending the Baptist church across town, but I just wish he had a bigger penis."
At press time, Cobb was still trying to figure out why his credit score dropped 40 points overnight.
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BoardWalk Barker is a satirical publication. The stories and quotes herein are works of humor and parody.

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