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©️ 2025 Henlopen Free Press ™️

Boardwalk Barker
  • Home
  • SHOP
  • Quick Bites
  • Breaking News
  • Killing Fields Laugh Riot
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  • PRESS RELEASE: LAUNCH
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INVESTIGATIVE PHOTO REPORT: Gavin Newsome: Free-Spending Liberal?

Sources confirm Newsom employs a full-time ‘Flag Brigade’ to ensure no moment goes unpatrioted.

    REPORT: Waste or Messaging? Newsome Employs 'Flag Brigade"

    The brigade carries up to nine full-sized flags at all times in case of an impromptu photo op.

    By Diego Montez  |  Political Correspondent, BwB West Coast Bureau


    SACRAMENTO, CA -- Governor Gavin Newsom is under fire after reports surfaced that he employs a dedicated team of flag guys who follow him everywhere — sometimes jogging — carrying full-sized American and California flags in case he unexpectedly walks near a camera.


    Sources confirm Governor Gavin Newsom now travels with a full-time “Flag Brigade,” a hand-selected team of aides whose sole responsibility is to sprint into frame and position American and California flags behind him before any photo or livestream begins.


    Witnesses say the brigade carries up to nine full-sized flags at all times, with backups stored in a climate-controlled van that follows the governor’s motorcade.


    One aide, Sheila Speaker of Elk Grove, speaking anonymously, said the governor once paused a wildfire briefing for six minutes because a flag was “too wrinkled.”


    Republican lawmakers have demanded to know why the state budget now includes a line item for ‘Flag Ironing Personnel.’ According to documents, the brigade’s annual budget is now $4.2 million, including overtime, travel, and specialized holsters allowing team members to carry folded flags like SWAT gear.


    The brigade reportedly includes:

    A Senior Lead Flag Wrangler
    Two Assistant Flag Wranglers
    A Flag Transportation Coordinator
    A Deputy Director of Pole Shine
    A Wind Optimization Specialist
    And five interns whose job is “mostly to hold the poles and not cry.”


    Staffers claim the brigade has been trained to detect potential photo-ops “up to 200 yards away” and can deploy flags in under three seconds, even on uneven terrain.


    Critics call it wasteful. Supporters say it’s “just good branding.”


    When asked for comment, a Newsom spokesperson simply said, “America deserves a crisp backdrop."



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    Boardwalk Barker is a satirical publication. The stories and quotes herein are works of humor and parody.


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