©️ 2025 Henlopen Free Press ™️
By Arnold Santos | Lifestyles Editor
REHOBOTH BEACH, DE — In a stunning triumph for Delaware's burgeoning social scene, the public restroom glory hole at Tanger Outlets has officially gobbled up the competition—earning a coveted spot on USA Today’s Top Ten Public Glory Holes in America list.
The honor marks the first national recognition for a Sussex County glory hole since the legendary Kmart restroom closed in 2016, a loss still mourned by locals.
According to the USA Today/Quipinpacinac poll, the Tanger facility was praised for its “robust air-freshener game, ample supply of paper towels, nearly aligned stall doors, and a condom dispenser that works more than 40% of the time.”
"This is my new favorite spot, I'm here three times a week," said Reggie Swallows, 47 of Longneck, speaking on condition of anonymity so his wife and employer at the Heritage Foundation wouldn't find out.
Outlets management celebrated with a ribbon-cutting—then immediately reminded everyone not to do that. “We’re proud to represent Delaware on the national stage, but this isn't really what we were hoping for when we upgraded our facilities last year," said spokesperson Dana Felcher. “We always knew our bathrooms were number one and number two, and now apparently they are good for number 3?"
Officials confirmed that the restroom will now compete in the North American Anonymous Felatio Invitational this spring, alongside entries from long-time favorites Buc-ee’s, Minneapolis–St. Paul Airport, an adult bookstore/bodega/weed dispensary in Brooklyn, and a particularly filthy Flying-J off the interstate near Topeka.
This year's top-seeded pleasure station is a mysterious Shell station in western Colorado that “simply must be experiened" -- although experts agree the experience varies widely depending on which side of the glory hole you are on.
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Boardwalk Barker is a satirical publication. The stories and quotes herein are works of humor and parody.

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