STATE OF EMERGENCY

By Tanya Rollins  |  Associate News Editor

REHOBOTH BEACH — Panic hit the Rehoboth boardwalk this evening after a massive Kraken rose out of the surf, slithered past the dunes, and stormed ashore like it was looking for someone specific.

Witnesses say the creature paused, scanned the boardwalk, and then locked eyes on its target: Thrashers Fries.

In one fluid motion, several tentacles scooped up entire baskets of fries — salt, napkins, and unsuspecting souvenir cups flying — and shoveled them into its gaping maw. The Kraken reportedly let out a low, satisfied growl and shuffled up to the counter for more.

That’s when things went sideways.

According to employees, the beast extended a dripping tentacle toward the condiments and demanded ketchup.

Staff calmly explained the situation:

“We don’t have ketchup. We only have vinegar.”

There was a long, horrified silence as the Kraken tried to process this information.

Witnesses say its eyes went wide, its tentacles started twitching, and it let out a roar that rattled the windows at Zogg’s. In a fit of pure rage and confusion, the creature hurled the ketchup pump it thought was hidden somewhere behind the counter, splashed back into the Atlantic, and disappeared beneath the waves — apparently unwilling to live in a universe where fries are served without ketchup.

State officials have since lifted the emergency order and confirmed there were no serious injuries, although several tourists from New Jersey are said to be “deeply traumatized” after learning about the vinegar policy.

Authorities warn that if the Kraken returns, it will likely be bringing its own bottle of Heinz.