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Boardwalk Barker
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HOA Prez Interprets “Over My Dead Body” as Binding Consent

Lewes Man Loses Battle with HOA, Faith in Humanity.

By Nosey Parker  |  Delmarva Beat Reporter


LEWES, DE - Residents of the Maple Crest Estates community in Lewes were stunned Tuesday when the neighborhood HOA voted 5–1 to approve a controversial mailbox redesign, citing a homeowner’s offhand remark of “Over my dead body” as the deciding vote.

By Tanya Rollins  |  News Editor, ty in Lewes were stunned Tuesday when the neighborhood HOA voted 5–1 to approve a controversial mailbox redesign, citing a homeowner’s offhand remark of “Over my dead body” as the deciding vote.


The phrase was uttered last week during a heated meeting in the community clubhouse, after the HOA revealed its plan to replace the neighborhood’s current mailboxes—normal, functioning mailboxes—with a mandatory set of “historic colonial-style” boxes priced at $389 each, not including installation or emotional damage.


Witnesses say 48-year-old resident Mark Tully muttered the fatal phrase while shuffling papers and trying to find the exit.

The HOA secretary recorded it verbatim into the minutes.


> “It counted,” HOA Treasurer Barbara Hennessey insisted.

“He spoke during the voting period. The bylaws don’t specify what counts as a vote, only that vocal participation is recognized.”

She added, “Also, he’s been kind of a pain lately.

When Tully protested that it was clearly a figure of speech, the HOA responded by emailing him a PDF titled “Section 14: Interpretive Language,” which appears to have been added to the bylaws sometime between midnight and sunrise. The PDF was in Comic Sans.


“I can’t believe I’m losing a four-hundred-dollar argument to people who own clipboards,” Tully said, noting that the HOA also fined him $50 for “hostile tone in an email reply.”


Neighbors are divided. Some support Tully’s position, arguing that the HOA is “going too far” and behaving like “a small, petty government with no army.” Others say they just want the whole thing to be over so they can go back to pretending they like each other.


In a statement, the HOA encouraged unity, reminding residents that “Maple Crest is a community” and “everyone must do their part”—a phrase many now fear will also become legally binding if uttered aloud.


The new mailboxes will be installed next month.

Tully has until Friday to submit his appeal or die trying, whichever satisfies the bylaws first.




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Boardwalk Barker is a satirical publication. The stories and quotes herein are works of humor and parody.


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