MAGA's Compassion is For The Birds, Literally

By Tanya Rollins  |  Assoc Editor, News Division

MINNESOTA — Conservatives across the country expressed sudden and profound concern for wildlife this week after the Department of the Interior released video showing a bald eagle killed in a collision with a wind turbine, prompting renewed calls to halt clean-energy development nationwide.

The incident, which officials confirmed involved a single eagle, was immediately seized upon by right-wing media figures and commentators as definitive proof that wind turbines are “ugly,” “dangerous,” and “a threat to America itself.”
“This is what the radical environmentalists don’t want you to see,” wrote one commenter, while sharing the same clip for the seventh time in a thread calling for the immediate dismantling of all turbines “before they kill every eagle we have left.”

According to federal wildlife data, bald eagles are far more likely to die from gunshot wounds, vehicle collisions, poisoning, or habitat loss than from wind turbines. In fact, experts note that roughly twice as many eagles are shot by humans each year as are killed by all forms of industrial collisions combined.

Those figures were largely dismissed as “irrelevant,” “fake,” or “not the point.”
“This is different,” said one outraged viewer. “This was clean energy.”

The eagle’s death sparked an unusual moment of bipartisan empathy for endangered wildlife—at least briefly—as critics demanded accountability, investigations, and the immediate return to coal “until we can figure out a safer way to protect birds.”

Meanwhile, human deaths tied to immigration enforcement, workplace accidents, and preventable violence continued to receive far less attention, often accompanied by familiar refrains about “personal responsibility” and “being in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

At no point did commenters suggest the eagle might have avoided the turbine by altering its flight path.

Outrage began to cool late Tuesday after additional details emerged revealing the eagle was not a Minnesota native, but a temporary visitor that had migrated from Canada. This prompted most of the critics to lose whatever concern they had for the eagle.

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Boardwalk Barker is a satirical publication. The stories and quotes herein are works of humor and parody.