Arts On Delmarva: Local Band Swears Off KennedyCenter

By Arnold Santos  |  Associate Editor Lifestyles

DELMARVA — Territorial Pissings, the region’s widely respected second-best Nirvana cover band, announced Thursday that they will never play the Kennedy Center, citing deep moral objections to former President Donald Trump allegedly putting his name on it.

“Just so everyone’s clear, don’t even bother asking,” said lead singer Chad “Grunge Chad” Miller, speaking from behind a half-stack amp at a bar that definitely still smells like spilled IPA from last weekend's Dover gig. “We will not compromise our values.”

The announcement came as a surprise to many, primarily because no one has ever asked Territorial Pissings to play the Kennedy Center, nor is there any record of the band being considered for such an invitation.

Still, the band felt it was important to draw a line. “Our art means something,” said bassist Kevin, wearing a Nirvana T-shirt purchased at Target in 2019. “We’re not just gonna sell out and play some fancy D.C. venue where people sit down and don’t even yell ‘Free Bird’ at the wrong time.”

Territorial Pissings, known locally for playing slightly too loud, starting slightly too late, and occasionally pissing off both the crowd and the venue manager, has built a loyal following across dive bars, beach bars, and one regrettable brewery patio incident at Dogfish Head.

Their stated values, according to the band, include:

Getting extremely drunk during the set

   ● Arguing about tempo mid-song

   ● Loading all equipment into the back of a 2006 Honda minivan

   ● Leaving exactly zero minutes for encores

“Look, if Trump’s name is on that building, we’re out,” said drummer Mike, before asking if anyone had seen his drum key. “Unless the money’s insane. Like, really insane.”

At press time, Territorial Pissings confirmed they would be performing Friday night in Ocean City, followed by a heated discussion about whether they played “Breed” too fast, and a quiet, reflective drive home down Route 1.

The Kennedy Center has not responded, largely because it remains unaware that any of this happened.