Sussex County Residents Raise Their Voices Against Tyranny

By Drew  |  EIC, Top Dog, Unpaid Agitator

REHOBOTH BEACH, DE — A large crowd gathered this weekend for a “No Kings” rally, and by all accounts, the event was an overwhelming success, with attendees confirming that not a single king was spotted anywhere in the area.

Organizers had expressed concern leading up to the rally that kings—long rumored but rarely documented—might attempt to appear locally. However, following several hours of sign-waving, chanting, and roadside visibility, the king population appeared to drop to zero.

“We looked everywhere,” said one attendee, scanning the parking lot of Tanger Outlets Seaside. “No crowns, no thrones, nothing. If there were any kings here before, they’re gone now.”

While the rally successfully eliminated all known kings, observers did report a noticeable presence of local queens, along with what some described as “a few princesses,” though officials clarified that these sightings were “outside the scope of the current initiative.”

Traffic slowed as passing drivers attempted to confirm the absence of monarchs, with several rolling down windows to verify that the situation remained king-free.

At press time, organizers were calling the rally a complete victory and were considering future events targeting other potential threats, including dukes, barons, and “that one crazy guy who thinks he's the Pope of  Wawa.”