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WASHINGTON — Top Trump adviser Stephen Miller ignited controversy this week after claiming that Abraham Lincoln’s 1863 Emancipation Proclamation may have been “fraudulently executed” using an autopen, rendering the historic order “technically null and void.”
Miller told reporters that he had “serious questions” about the document’s authenticity after seeing what he described as “obvious pen pressure inconsistencies.”
> “Lincoln was known to have hand cramps,” Miller explained. “Do the math. There’s no way he signed hundreds of copies in one day. Somebody’s lying.”
He added that “if true,” the alleged revelation could mean “millions of people have been living in legal ambiguity for 160 years.”
Historians were quick to respond.
> “Autopen technology wasn’t invented until the 20th century,” said Dr. Sheila Hart of the Smithsonian. “This entire claim is insane.”
Miller dismissed the criticism as “deep-state historical revisionism.”
> “That’s exactly what they’d say if they were hiding something,” he tweeted, vowing to “restore integrity to the Lincoln presidency.”
He has since called for the formation of a Select Committee on Retroactive Slavery Oversight, insisting that “procedural irregularities cannot be ignored just because they happened in the 1800s.”
The National Archives released a brief statement Friday confirming that the original Emancipation Proclamation “was, in fact, signed by a human being,” adding pointedly, “unlike Miller’s tweets.”
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Boardwalk Barker is a satirical publication. The stories and quotes herein are works of humor and parody.

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