Man Displays the Commitment That Made Him A Top Mafioso

SALISBURY, MD — While most Americans quietly moved on from early Facebook games sometime during the Obama administration, local man Greg Hensley has remained steadfast, continuing to send out Mafia Wars invitations to all 873 of his Facebook friends nearly a decade after the game was discontinued.

“Loyalty means something,” Hensley said, staring intensely at his laptop while clicking what appears to be a long-defunct ‘Invite to Mafia’ button. “You don’t just walk away from the family because ‘Zynga shut down the servers.’ That’s not how this works.”

Hensley, who reportedly built a modest but respected mid-level crime syndicate in the late 2000s, has refused to acknowledge repeated explanations from friends that the game no longer functions.

“He sends them like clockwork,” said longtime friend Jason Miller. “Birthdays, holidays, random Tuesdays at 2:14 in the afternoon. It’s always the same message. ‘Join my mafia. We need you.’ Need me for what, Greg? There is no mafia.”

Despite widespread confusion, many of Hensley’s friends admit they’ve developed a begrudging respect for his commitment.

“I mean, it’s insane,” said former coworker Denise Carter. “But also… kind of admirable? Like, if society collapses, that’s the guy you want. He’s not quitting anything.”

Others, however, have begun taking more defensive measures.

“I muted him in 2015,” said one friend who wished to remain anonymous. “Then blocked him in 2018. Last year I got a LinkedIn request that just said ‘Join my mafia.’ I don’t think there’s anywhere left to hide.”

Hensley’s dedication has not come without personal cost. According to sources close to the family, his marriage has been strained by his unwavering commitment to the digital underworld.

His wife, Karen, has reportedly spent the last decade maintaining their FarmVille property, ensuring crops are harvested on schedule and livestock remains accounted for.

“They barely see each other anymore,” said a neighbor. “He’s building a criminal empire that doesn’t exist, and she’s managing a farm that hasn’t produced anything since 2011. It’s actually kind of beautiful in a sad way.”

Hensley was reportedly considering expanding operations and had begun sending out invitations for a “new venture,” believed to be a long-abandoned Words With Friends tournament.

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