Gender Consultant Agency Opens In Midway

MIDWAY — A groundbreaking new business has opened in the Midway Shopping Center this week, offering a service many locals didn’t realize they needed, didn’t ask for, and still don't fully understand.

Southern Delaware Gender Consultancy Collective, a First-of-its-kind firm in Delaware, is now accepting new clients, and transforming identities - and lives. Finally Delaware residents will have access to Gender consultancy services just like in the big cities

SDGCC proudly advertises that its staff are “trained in all the latest genders, sub-genders, micro-identities, and pronoun-situation protocols.”

The company promises every client will receive a personalized, 100% original pronoun—free for immediate use in confusing coworkers, alarming Boomers, and causing mild panic in HR departments statewide.

“But we don’t stop there,” said founder and lead consultant Chris Vay/Ver/Hyew.
“Unlike other providers, our new identities come with a money-back guarantee and can be swapped up to three times if you decide your assigned vibe doesn’t match your inner aesthetic. We’re not here to judge—only to charge.”

To stay on the cutting edge of identity curation, the consultancy also assists clients with coordinating hair-color  and first inspirational tattoo, powered by what they proudly describe as “the most powerful AI tools in the gender-arts industry.”

Meet Lou, a recent success story:

“When I first came in, I was identifying as fluid-flux abimegender and wearing cobalt-blue hair, but something felt off,” said client Lou (hyew/hyem).

“After just a few sessions, Chris helped me realize I’m actually a demiflex cloud-gender person. And when hyew recommended switching to aquamarine hair, everything finally clicked. I knew I had found me. And honestly? It’s obscure and unreasonable enough to really piss off cis-hetero normies when I demand they not only use my pronouns but UNDERSTAND them.”

Lou’s transformation, according to staff, represents the spirit of the center: “bold, expressive, needlessly complicated, and guaranteed to disrupt at least one holiday dinner.”

For an additional $49.99, clients can purchase the optional “Pronoun Starter Pack,” which includes: – A laminated wallet card explaining your new pronouns in six steps, A QR code linking to a 38-page PDF for anyone who asks follow-up questions, and A refrigerator magnet reminding your family that “misgendering counts even when I’m not in the room”

Other Services Include:
• Scheduled eye-rolling intensives
• Original makeup applications based on your inner element
• Rage-Against-the-Patriarchy workshops (Beginner, Intermediate, and Holiday Travel Editions)
• Free spell-check for your first two protest signs
• Emergency pronoun re-assignment during Mercury retrograde

The consultancy’s grand-opening celebration will be held this weekend, featuring refreshments, pamphlets nobody asked for, and a ceremonial ribbon-cutting — performed with scissors that identify as “she/they.”